And I was a very driven Boy Scout. Very driven Boy Scout! Driven
everywhere I was, and... ( chuckles ) This is such a carp joke! Other
nights I've never even said it ‘cause I thought, "It’s so carp..." I'm
just laughing that you laughed. Anyway. But I was a driven Boy Scout.
No, I was actually just driven. You know, I was just a… forget this.
Anyway, so... Yeah, I had all the badges! I had all the badges, I had
my sort of “Landing on the Moon” badge! You know, advanced badges. My
“Nuclear Fusion” badge, and my “Menachem Beguin Disguise Kit” badge,
which was great, and so I was a top scout! I was a chief scout, had my
own tribe and everything, and me and this other guy who was a chief
scout, we went on an outing as sort of chaperones for these girls who
were slightly younger than us. So it was 10 girls, two boys - pretty
good odds for a shy kid. We went to an activity center, where you climb
a tree and eat a sausage and it's kind of… It builds your character so
you know about sausages. And we end up in a swimming pool, and I'm
doing splashy splashy with this girl I really fancy. And she's doing
splashy splashy back and I'm going, "********** ‘ell, splashy back!" You
know, ‘cause splashy splashy is the aquatic equivalent of "Do you want
a cup of coffee?" Right? So splashy splashy's going well and I suddenly
think, “I know! I'll turn around, I'll do swimmy swimmy, and then maybe
she'll do swimmy swimmy too in a kind of chase me-chase me way and then
we'd do catchy catchy and underwater sexy sexy!” But I was so elated
that splashy splashy was actually working that I just swam like a boy
chased by sharky-sharky! I swam, and I swam and I swam, and I was in
Egypt when they caught up to me! And that's a long way from England.
‘cause it goes England, Venezuela, Beirut, Africa, Cincinnati, Hanging
Gardens of Babylon... It's near Switzerland. So, yeah, it was just… it
wasn't working.

"Moldy mildew, mother of mouthmuck, dangle and strangle to death." She