1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out
of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received
anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my
brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I
return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted
in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged
$5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Y
our message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and
try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can
see who did this over and over and over...)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing

You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by
your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Cheryl' instead of Steve.